daily reading: The Hierophant (reversed)

The Hierophant

As some of you know, I’m an American and even if you just brush up against the news on a semi-regular basis, you know that we’re in chaos. I also have dual citizenship in Canada but my passport has expired and one of the first things I’m doing if I get money back from doing my taxes this year is get that sucker renewed.

I’ve been helping around town as much as possible to support the resistance, I’m calling my politicians, I’ve reached out to the local mosque to offer my support, I’m participating as much in ways that doesn’t aggravate my bipolar symptoms. (I’m on a good cocktail of drugs but having a nervous breakdown in 2015 really fucks with your perspective, surprise surprise.)

My cards have never been that far from me, I sleep with them under my pillow to keep imprinting my power / essence onto them. I felt so much better just pulling them today that it confirmed I need to keep doing this on a regular basis. The quasi-bad dreams I had when I first got them have given away to regular dreams; the kind where I’m dating Tom Hiddleston. You know, that kind of thing.

My spirituality is important to me. Right now I find myself thinking more about the Divine every time something happens in the world — how the Divine will not give me only hope, but also console me in this time of need. I do not want to create a practice where it’s all take and not give. I’m letting my heart and desires guide me. I know I’m going to be solitary in practice because I will more than likely incorporate other practices into a singular one path because the idea of a singular The Right Way™ gives me the hives.

note: I’ve added Biddy Tarot to the listing below because their site gets fairly comprehensive on card meanings.


Card: Major Arcana – The Hierophant
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings (reverse): Restriction, challenging the status quo

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation (right side up): Share your secrets with others and open yourself up to their needs.
Biddy Tarot: (The reversed meaning is quite long, so I’m just giving a summary here.) The reversed Hierophant is about questioning tradition and asking yourself whether what you are doing is really the right thing by you. You may have been running on automatic so far and following the crowd but now you realise that perhaps things are not the way they seem and changes need to be made.

In this way, the Hierophant reversed is like a rebellious teenager or young adult who begins to question society and participate in political activities. There may be a run-in with authorities or conflict with a parent or authoritative figure.
The Ultimate Guide to TarotWhen reversed, the Hierophant shows poor leadership. You may be mislead by an incompetent or egotistic individual at work or on your spiritual path. This is the card of the bad guru— the judgmental teacher who is more interested in furthering his ambitions than supporting you in yours. In work, the Hierophant reversed can also show institutions that need restructuring: poor advice, mistrust, and wrong decisions with moral repercussions. It is better to seek your own path than to stay with a mentor or plan that doesn’t suit your needs. Be a free spirit.
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by CardTime to fight the man! Conformity goes out the window and a new order is ready to rumble into place.  Question EVERYTHING. Don’t accept the standard way.  This is time for revolution, even if only a personal inward one.  Break the rules and think for yourself.  Problems with authority.  Feeling like an outcast in your tribe.  Rebellion.  Originality. Don’t be a biter.

My interpretation: When I pulled this card and looked up the first meaning, the words “holy fuck” came burbling to my lips because my interpretation is pretty much what I wrote in the intro to this post without even knowing what card was getting pulled. It also solidifies I need to keep fighting the man (his royal asshole, president cheeto) and rejecting what we’re being told via “fake news.” It also gives me hope that the U.S. can get itself out of this mess and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, the revolution will not end in bloodshed.

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daily reading: Knight of Pentacles

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I know. It’s been nearly a month. I haven’t forgotten — the deck sleeps under my pillow most nights. I think I was afraid. First came the anxiety attacks that left me unusable a few days each turn and then everything else took a back seat. I have been thinking in the last few days I should have turned to the cards for help and instead I hid from them. Maybe I was too scared? Maybe I didn’t want to feel the truth? I think a huge part is the mockery when I told people about my interest in the cards and what they have meant for me. I’m especially worried at yule my brother and his wife, both of whom at least believe in the Christian god, will mock me. I don’t think they mean to be cruel but I think they just won’t or refuse to understand. I cannot reconcile people who can believe in a single omnipresent and omniscient being but more than one is beyond comprehension.

I’m making a vow to myself to be more assertive in my daily pulls. I need to come together and get back into my studies! So many good books have come my way. My self-esteem is notoriously low these last few years — working with the cards will hopefully bring back some of my confidence.

I need to get back into the cards because I found when getting them ready for my pull, the ritual itself was like coming home.

(I’m part of a secret Santa group and the woman whose name I pulled is into goddess worship so I had a lot of fun building her own little spell work / simple blessings satchel.)


Card: Minor Arcana – Knight of Pentacles
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings (upright): practical, methodical, stable, offering, respect, grounded effort, financial focus, improving prosperity

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: “Nothing gets wasted — Even our waste products, personal and otherwise, can be fertilizer for the next cycle. Forgive yourself and others for not being perfect.”
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot “Showing financial growth and good investment, this card means plans concerning property progress. With strategizing and setting a realistic goal, you will succeed. Pay attention to the practical details now, and future benefits are assured. Day to day, this Knight asks you to get through boring and routine, but essential, tasks. In work, the card can indicate more money coming to you due to a raise, bonus, or promotion, but you may need to work harder in return. An additional meaning of the card is finding a secure home, potentially with a partner.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card“The Knight of Pentacles is a sturdy, hard working fellow. The energy behind this card is practical, methodical, and focused on reaping a reward for the effort. Of all the Knights, this is the only one that is standing still. He is grounded, rooted and respectful. Committing to a goal. Working “the land” and preparing for a big harvest. Reliability and efficiency. People who handle monetary affairs. Trustworthy. This card can also indicate taking responsibility for a project or situation. Remaining committed to a cause. And up ‘n coming shot caller. Boss in training. A job offer.”

My interpretation: Yeah, wow. Can I say wow? Let’s talk about the financial focus and improving prosperity bit. Three weeks ago I interviewed for a librarian gig in which I would be a branch manager in the local library system. The branch is in an underdeveloped area and is being “gentrified.” I won’t go into my rant about that but at first, I was skeptical about the position — the pay was right with the area but it’s fairly low from what I’m used to; I’d be managing people; I would be responsible for the care and well-being of the library itself. I have wavered back and forth on the, “if they hired me or not” thought process, and found, in the end, I wanted the job. (I did go visit the branch and it is TINY. Maybe 1000sqft and that’s pushing it. I think our condo, at 1100sqft, is massive compared to that branch.) I emailed the HR person on Friday to follow up and was given the standard, “We’ll let you know when we’ve made the decision” line which I’ve interpreted to mean, “You’re being rejected.” I’ve been down this route before and I am beyond familiar with the train of rejection thought. But this card is giving me a little bit of hope and that’s exactly what I need right now. Hope.

Today, I wrote on my public blog on my existential crisis I’m having — I have them twice a year like clockwork. I’ve been in deep thought about my own existential beingness and my mark on the world. I wondered if it was because of an upcoming milestone-ish birthday (June) or the weather or a combination of both or something entirely different. As I wrote, I spoke on the conversation I just had with my talking therapist about emotional / mental work. This year has a been a big year of growth for me but it’s so slow (methodical) and repetitive (boring and routine) and hard. Super hard. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels most of the time but it’s not until I look back on that day / week / month I see that I took some ground back and I’m crawling to where I need to be. I’m not running sprints yet, but I’m making progress no matter how much I bitch.

(I argued recently one of the main reasons I love pulling the daily cards is because it forces me to take a look at myself and answer hard questions. It’s not just about a daily, “I did this, that, and then some,” but it’s digging deep into a feeling or an intuition or a job done. I would argue, at times, the cards are better for introspection and working things out than my talking therapist.)

daily reading: Queen of Cups

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I am really beginning to love my card a day ritual as it allows me to get intimate with a deck, teach myself a skill, and really get in touch with myself.


Card: Minor Arcana – Queen of Cups
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings (upright):sensitive, emotional, kind, intuitive, feminine, empathic, caring, dignity

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: “Go down to the river, or a lake. Meditate there. Open your heart – for all, not for each.”
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot “The Queen of Cups predicts the positive influence of an intuitive, sensitive woman. She is nurturing and compassionate, with high emotional intelligence. Her work may be artistic, and she may also be drawn to medicine, caregiving, complementary therapies, certain types of sales work, or research in nonmainstream subjects. Given her sensitivity and natural empathy, this Queen has to choose her close friends carefully— but when she makes a connection with a person, she treasures him or her, just like her chalice. This card often comes up in readings to show the ideal female partner, who is unafraid of intimacy while having stability and appropriate boundaries. It can predict motherhood and children, too.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card “The Queen of Cups is the feminine ideal – soft and sensitive, she is deeply nurturing. She has a strong connection to her intuition and most of her decisions are made from the heart. She can express her feelings easily – both good and bad. A softie. This card can represent a woman in your life with those qualities or it can indicate energies that you are bringing to a situation. Tune into your feelings and let them guide you. Your ‘boo’.”

My interpretation: I had an emotional and mental breakdown in 2015 and since then I have been on high alert for anything and everything to not over tax my brain. This meant not only slowing down and taking care of myself but recognize that I cannot do all the things. With the busyness of Friday still fresh in my groggy state when I woke up, I was really feeling physically ill. Now, one could argue, and you’d be partially right, over indulging in dairy products, of which I have a serious allergy to (I don’t get just gastrointestinal issues, but hives, and that lot) was causing the main issue but I was also definitely having second thoughts about my plans for Saturday. I volunteered for the local Jane Austen Festival and the first meeting was this morning and I had a shrink appointment in the afternoon, which meant a lot pant wearing (down with pants!). In true Freyja fashion, I worked myself into a froth about feeling physically yuck and the mental taxation of doing two outside the house things. I felt overwhelmed and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I emailed the organizers for the festival to bow out of this meeting but wanting to come to the next and texted my shrink to reschedule my meeting. I ended up spending the day at home reformating and reinstalling software on my Mac while eating the occasional sweets (diet starts Monday!) while DVR shows played in the background.

Reading the above  interpretations, what I’m seeing is the strong takeaway from the The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card: “The Queen of Cups is the feminine ideal – soft and sensitive, she is deeply nurturing.” Today was all about self-care and I’m not afraid to admit that.

daily reading: Nine of Cups

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Yesterday got away from me and when I remembered to do my daily pull, it was quite late in the day and I was really tired. I did attune with my cards last night, so I am not guilting myself for not doing my daily single card reading.


Card: Minor Arcana – Nine of Cups
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings (upright): feeling, longing, belief,  wish fulfillment, indulgence, satisfaction, plenty, happiness, wealth, comfort, security, happiness

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: “Take a good look at what is going on inside you. You don’t have to put  it all on show!”
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot “The Nine of Cups is known as the wish card of the tarot because it foretells a dream come true. Whatever you hope for can now come to fruition. Joy comes from prosperity, generosity, and optimism, alongside parties and entertainment. If you are nurturing a new project or idea, the Nine of Cups heralds its growth, so listen to your intuition, make time for the activities that make you happy, and see them flourish. The Nine also favors good health, as old tensions dissolve, flowing away in the waters of the past. Now is the time to appreciate the joy of the present.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card “The Nine of Cups is traditionally known as the ‘wish fulfillment’ card and a good omen that you are going to get exactly what you want. Make a wish! Of course, ever the practical sage, I like to add: be specific and careful because the Universe is listening, yo. This card also speaks of feeling satisfied and comfortable. You got what you need around you – and then some. Be grateful because you are sitting oh-so-pretty at this moment.”

My interpretation: This morning I had a job interview for a branch manager position at a local library. I think the interview went really well and I was pleased to find out it was for a small branch, I would be managing 4 -5 staff members, as opposed to a larger branch which would mean more stress. The library has truncated hours, it’s open for a total of 43 hours during the week and closed on Sundays,  compared to the main library which is open for 68. The library is in an up and coming area, which is code for gentrification, and there would be a lot for me to do which excites me. I asked the interviewers what they were looking for and the first thing out of their mouth was someone who is hungry to make a change as well as someone who communicates well. I hope I proved the first and I definitely illustrated the later when I quipped the story my last supervisor felt she was undaunted by the sheer amount of email I was sending while I worked there.

(They also asked if I felt I was assertive which caused me to laugh fairly heartily. Wallflower I am not.)

It seems obvious what my wish is for, right? Well, the universe is never that quite that forgiving — it turns out my unemployment has not been deposited for the week even though the state’s website says it has. Can I wish for two things? The immediate “wish” is to get my unemployment because bills, yo. On the other hand, the job would be the better wish — job means more money and independence so I’m not relying on Mr. Bringr.

There are a lot of other things I could wish for but those are my most immediate means and I’m trying to careful of wantings versus wishing and in the process being grateful for what I already have.

daily reading: Three of Wands (reversed)

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I’m still fired up on the election and last night was no exception. I was up until 2:30 – 3a explaining to non-Americans how our elections/polls worked, generated a list of questions for the upcoming PSN meeting, and then broke. I mind dumped on Twitter and a close friend said, “Is this the hill you want to die on?” The instinctive answer was a resounding, “no!” There are many fights to be won and the constant being “on” about the election is not helping me. I am preaching self-care but not following it. Once the relief hit, I popped a melatonin and was fastly asleep.

I woke about 7:30a to walk the dog, crawled on the couch to take a nap for a few hours.

Slept until 3p.

As you may have guessed it, today  has been shot.

After waking up and walking the dog, I unfollowed the PSN groups on Facebook, stayed off of Twitter, and only responded to immediate messages. I posted on a secret group about the job interview I have on Friday but for the most part, I’ve been keeping to myself.

Somedays it’s good to just recharge and reclaim and that is what I apparently needed to do. I have mentioned numerous times about pulling back for self-care and the more I think I am, the less I am actually doing. Getting my tits up about the election divisiveness happening around the social sphere is pointless. After writing this, and with Mr. Brisningr is making dinner, it is time for me to read and watch mindless TV.


Card: Minor Arcana – Three of Wands (reversed)
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings (upright): expansion, success, support, vision, ship sailing in, opportunity coming, travel, advantageous position, action, and adventure

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: No information provided for reverse cards.
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot“When reversed, the Three of Wands shows communication problems. Plans are delayed and it may be difficult to make progress in your projects. Relationships can suffer under this influence, as you find it hard to express yourself and understand what others are saying. Misunderstandings may make you feel needlessly isolated. If this applies to you, resist the frustration that this influence brings and go with a slower pace for a while. Overall, however, these are minor negatives; this is still a card of good fortune, even when reversed, so don’t let glitches become a distraction. You can still succeed.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card“Back to the drawing board, dawg. Those plans are not gelling. It may be that you lack the vision or the support to get things off the ground. You need to build up more street cred before you take this thang forward. Delays and setbacks may plague a perfectly good plan or trip. Seasickness. Thinking small time. Can’t be a balla if you thinking like a chump.”

My interpretation: I think I laid that out at the beginning of the post how fucked my day has been. To get back on track, I have generated a to-do list for the rest of the day (which includes writing this post) and generating the one for tomorrow since. Here’s hoping. xx

 

daily reading: Five of Wands

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I’m running late today as I’ve been on the go since 5AM and it’s now 10PM EDT. I was able to commune with the cards for a bit and I picked up some silk to wrap the cards in so while I was everywhere today, I was able to keep in touch within me.


Card: Minor Arcana – Five of Wands
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings: competition, trial of strength, debate, fight, game, opposition, conflict, aggression, change, power struggle, rivalry, assertiveness, dog eat dog, bullies

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: “Which process of the will correspond with truly held desires and can therefore really achieve something?”
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot:  “this card does not predict outright battle, but there will be fiery opinions and a lack of agreement, at least for now. Misunderstandings abound, particularly in work matters. You may find yourself in meetings during which everyone is talking at once, defending their position rather than reaching a consensus; it’s a fight just to be heard.” Also, “…hold your position, rather than compromise.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card:“Be aware of competition but don’t be afraid of it. Power struggles may be brewing. Opposition to ideals. A spirited debate or match is good for the soul and will prevent complacency. Jump into it and give it your all. Real true playas welcome a good bout and never shy away from it. Get in the game and show them who da real boss is. Kicking ass and taking names. Taking on a bunch of punk ass bullies.”

My interpretation: Wow, are the cards calling it so far or what! This morning I left fairly early to start my first-day training to be an escort at an abortion clinic. Escorts are the ones who walk the clients safely into the clinic and keep the protesters on their toes. I was scared shitless on my walk down there (the clinic is 3-4 blocks from our place) but I felt empowered once I started helping people. It was easy to zone out and tune out the protesters, getting into my Buddhist space meditation has taught me. A lot of the keywords totally fit in here: fight, opposition, conflict, assertiveness, dog eat dog, bullies

It was also a day of interesting changes! A gig I applied for, phone interviewed AND in person interviewed with sent me an email rejection this morning and not 10 minutes later I got a call from a local library system to come in for an interview at the end of the week! According to the Raider-Waite book, this totally feeds into a new avenue that is opening up for me and yeah, I’m kicking ass and taking names.

daily reading: The Chariot

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I decided to put my daily pull on ye olde blog to keep myself accountable and maybe it’ll be helpful to someone else.


Card: Major Arcana – The Chariot
Deck: Rider-Waite
Key meanings: Destruction, enlightenment, balance, determination, victory, journey, triumph, progress

Rider-Waite’s Card of the Day interpretation: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained – get clear what you want, and the live your life accordingly.
The Ultimate Guide to Tarot: “The Upright Chariot signifies success and a major departure. This is a time for determination and focus as you travel in a new direction. A decision is made, and now you can begin to experience real progress in your affairs. Ready to take control and navigate your path, you are poised to learn as your horizons rapidly expand. Just as the charioteer has his wand to drive him onward, you will need willpower to fuel your desires.”
The Tarot Lady’s Tarot Card by Card: “Things are progressing. The reigns are firmly in your hands and you can move ahead with confidence. It’s time to put the past in your rear view mirror and stay focused on the road ahead. Not sure where you are going? Investigate more than one path if you please.”

My interpretation: Whereas yesterday’s Knight of Pentacles is about methodology, rituals, and finance, today’s is about where all of this is going and how to get it going. What is it that I want? Well, I want to write professionally but I’m not really getting anywhere with it (0 words in 14 days in NaNoWriMo, 0 words for any other project in a few weeks). I’m looking for a career job, I’m currently a librarian by trade, and the market in my area is really tight so I’m looking at alternative career choices. I want to improve my health so I don’t end up like my mother (wheelchair bound; lost toes due to diabetes; overall doesn’t take care of herself). These are three very viable and definitely worthwhile goals to work towards.

I have the goals, how do I move them forward?

As I mentioned yesterday, I’m creating a very specific to-do list and by specific, I mean everything from making the bed to taking my meds to sort out specific time to read. Ritual is very important. As someone who is bipolar, creating regularity in my life really helps, along with the drugs, the disease to stay in check.

Thus, I’m adding the following to my to-do list as must-dos every day:

  • Read for 30 minutes a day
  • Write for 30 minutes a day (at least, but I can go longer if I want. Blog writing doesn’t count.)
  • Prioritize writing projects; remove ones that may be a bit too complicated, too complex, too extensive right now
  •  Leave the house to write! There is a coffee shop across the street. Create ritual in the morning to get to the coffee shop at a decent time to work for a few hours without distraction
  • Start doing yoga regularly with the meditation then in a few weeks, move up to walking on the treadmill, and etcetera
  • Stay the fuck off of social media or at least check for 10-15 minutes every three-four hours rather than ALL THE SOCIAL MEDIA as it will never end.

Don’t do all the things at once! It’s the baby steps that count towards the goal, not the long strides that could set you back.